There are the ones who read ABC-Z before kindergarten. Some people perform well in primary school. Some do good in secondary school. And some do well in foundation. Many kickass in university. Most people secure a degree, masters, phD and promising jobs afterwards.
Not good. I'm missing my interview this december 4th. Once again, i'm missing my chance. I'm gonna have to try next year which will mark my third attempt. Goodness. This. Close. :( God is fair, always. Always, always. I believe that.
I'm in desperate need of a drug that keeps me awake 24/7 provided that the drug gives no side effects or anything funny for that matter.
I can't take caffeine, i'm a total loser at staying up late to study but an owl when it comes to supper treats and social networking.
I'm not supposed to be online at the moment and my sleeping cycle is being a bitch at the wrong time. My brain is saturated with minimal facts but a lot of playtime-hungry-ions anxiously bathing my cerebrofluid waiting for 26th to come with a blink of an eye.
It's been half a year and honestly speaking, i have no friggin idea how to study. I've tried so many ways but i still haven't found the right way.
It's been many months and guess what? There is NOT a day in school that i don't feel stupid. Crap, tell me i'm not the only one who feels this way like all the time?!
NO SHIT I AM NOT BEING THE USUAL WHINEY PERSON WHO EXAGGERATES AS SHE SPEAKS. BECAUSE THIS TIME IT'S PURE SHIT. AND I'M DEAD MEAT. Gahh. Maybe i should get back to nerdworld.
Hey bloggie, i'm sorry i'm vandalizing you with my teenage angst. You're prolly used to it anyway. :)
Why do I feel like everyone has moved on so much in life while I’m still stuck in this.. nutshell? :(
Once again, I made another try thinking (pessimistic as ever) that I’d stop right there the way it did the previous year.
Turns out, I was called for second-level assessment. It didn’t click at first but dad gave me a thumbs up (the only reason why I applied was because my dad told me to, I wasn’t planning on it AT ALL) So I missed class today to try my luck second time around.
Clad in a pink baju kurung, I reached the place earlier than expected- I was driven at 60 this morning. Yes, of all the days. The moment I stepped into the School, I saw no sign of women in baju kurung. At all. Eveyone else were dressed immaculately in office attire. Blazers, vests, shirts, ties, court shoes, etc. You get the picture. I felt.. underdressed. Too simple to impress interviewers, I must say. Whatmore with terrible colour coordination because I left my favourite crocs in college. Then again, no interviewers look at your shoes when you walk in right?
I was embarrassed anyhow.
This morning passed by SO slowly. Half an hour felt like a day. So imagine having to wait for 4 hours before getting called. It felt like.. you do the math (speaking of math.. ahh go on reading). By the third hour, I was already tired of feeling nervous and God knows how active my excretory system was. Bladder capacitance tak cukup pagi ni, apache. Sumpah malu, sudahlah.
I registered at 8am and got called in for the real game close to 12.00pm. There were six of us in each group. It was a 6-to-1 thing. We were given an issue where we had to voice out our opinions on. Thankful for recent readings, I pulled through although I felt like I answered macam cikai. I don’t think I answered mengikut kehendak soalan you know what I mean? But, whatever. It was like PBL only that.. I was put on the spot. I hate interviews- gives me the creeps thinking about it.
Online assessment was quite an itch though. I suck at math. Now I know why God wants me to take up a course which has no math in it. I’m completely bad at numerical. Simple math but questions on Probability brought me down. Verbal test was another. My goodness, limited time! Couldn’t finish them in time. Whatevs.
We’ll see the outcome in a few weeks time. In the mean time, lets not expect anything. :) But I’m glad I went for it- for the sake of experience. It breaks my heart to look at my dad every time I miss out an opportunity. Because I know I probably made certain decisions which weren’t parallel to his liking last year so I’m glad I went for this one. It breaks my heart too, to see my dad fork out so much money for me all the time. Sometimes I feel so spoilt. I study so near. I come back so often. I make my mum travel back and forth every so often but it never tires her. And it upsets me even more that with this much of sacrifice from my parents, I’m still not thankful with what I have and not improving in studies in any way.
For the most part, it breaks my heart to know how much I’ve changed or ... haven’t changed.
Familiar with today's date? Yeah man, classic. :)
